CHAPTER 05: Trigger The Two Words That Immediately Transform Any Negotiation

Summary

• In 2000, Abu Sayyaf, a militant Islamic group in the southern Philippines, kidnapped Jeffrey Schilling, a 24 year old American.
• The FBI's Crisis Negotiation Unit (CNU), which is the equivalent of the special forces of negotiations, was called in to handle the situation.
• CNU developed the Behavioral Change Stairway Model (BCSM), which proposes five stages: active listening, empathy, rapport, influence, and behavioral change.
• The model is based on the idea of unconditional positive regard, which is when a therapist accepts the client as they are.
• The BCSM is designed to take any negotiator from listening to influencing behavior.
• In order to achieve real gut-level change, the psychological environment necessary is the same whether in a high-stakes negotiation or a everyday negotiation with a child, boss, or client.
• The sweetest two words in any negotiation are "That's right."
• The author suggests that instead of trying to get people to say "yes," it's important to create a subtle epiphany in the other person, which leads to real behavior change.
• The author is a Supervisory Special Agent (SSA) attached to the FBI's elite Crisis Negotiation Unit (CNU) that develops the Behavioral Change Stairway Model (BCSM) for high-stakes crisis negotiation.
• The BCSM proposes five stages- active listening, empathy, rapport, influence, and behavioral change- that take any negotiator from listening to influencing behavior.
• The model is based on Carl Rogers' approach of unconditional positive regard.
• The author was involved in the negotiation to release a kidnap victim, Jeffrey Schilling, who was held by the militant Islamic group Abu Sayyaf in the Philippines.
• The kidnappers were seeking $10 million as compensation for "war damages"
• The author found that the kidnapper, Sabaya, was not responsive to reason and logic and the only way to influence his behavior was to establish rapport with him.
• The author trained his colleague, Benjie, to become an effective negotiator in this situation, by acknowledging his rage and helping him control his anger.
• After four months of negotiations, the author decided to "hit the reset switch" and get Sabaya off the "war damages" narrative.
• The author's ultimate goal was to get Sabaya to say "That's right" which would indicate a breakthrough and a subtle epiphany for the kidnapper.
• The Behavioral Change Stairway Model (BCSM) is a powerful staple in the high-stakes world of crisis negotiation.
• The model proposes five stages: active listening, empathy, rapport, influence, and behavioral change.
• The origins of the model can be traced back to the great American psychologist Carl Rogers, who proposed that real change can only come when a therapist accepts the client as he or she is—an approach known as unconditional positive regard.
• In hostage negotiations, the goal is not to get to "yes," but to "that's right."
• "That's right" allows negotiators to draw out talks and divert the adversary from hurting the hostage.
• "You're right" is the worst answer in a negotiation, as it does not lead to a change in behavior.
• The author used "That's right" breakthroughs to help his son, Brandon, change his football playing style and make a crucial sale for a student.
• In negotiation, the phrase "that's right" is valuable because it indicates that the other party has assessed and embraced what you've said of their own free will.
• It can be used to draw out talks and divert the adversary from hurting the hostage.
• In business, "that's right" often leads to the best outcomes.
• However, hearing "you're right" is a disaster because it means the other party agrees in theory, but doesn't own the conclusion, and will go back to the same behavior.
• An example given is a student trying to negotiate a job position with his former boss, using the "that's right" technique to achieve his goal and also getting his boss to reveal his true motives.
• The technique can also be used in sales, as demonstrated by an attendee of a speech who successfully used it in a price negotiation.
• The key lesson is that getting to understanding, rather than just agreement, is crucial in negotiation and can lead to behavioral change.