Chapter 9: Alternative Parenting

Gay marriage and parenthood are increasingly accepted in society, but homophobia still exists and may influence their consideration of parenthood.
The author addresses concerns about how potential discrimination could affect a child's upbringing within a gay family.
Not all LGBT persons aspire to get married or have children, as these societal norms may seem confining or restricting.
For those that do wish to have children, some parents find it strengthens their own familial relationships.
The author suggests formally adopting your child if it is biologically related to your partner and not you for family continuity.
A list of considerations is provided for gay couples considering parenthood, including who to talk to for support, whether to prefer adoption or pregnancy, and issues surrounding who should be the biological parent.
Single parenting is also addressed. Some people choose to parent individually if they believe marriage is not likely to happen by the time they wish to have children.
Choice in single parenthood is emphasized, with the author stating that the decision to become a single parent should be made voluntarily and consciously.
Both the pros (e.g. intimate relationship with a child, satisfaction of independence) and cons (e.g. potential isolation, clash of social and parenthood life) of single parenthood are explored.
Checklists are provided for both gay couples and single individuals considering parenthood to facilitate consideration and decision-making.

The chapter discusses the various resources available in your community such as support groups for single parents, communal housing, and online communities.
The three options for single individuals wanting to have a child are biological pregnancy, donor insemination, and adoption.
In the case of biological conception, the chapter highlights the ethical considerations, including the man's right to know and decision about fatherhood. There could also be potential legal issues with the man suing for visitation rights or custody.
If considering donor insemination, the anonymous donor provides advantages such as legal termination of parental rights. A "Yes" donor is another option where the donor may be open to contact once the child reaches 18. However, the procedure can seem impersonal, and individuals must consider the risk of a disappointing outcome.
When choosing a biological father, trust and open communication about expectations for the future are crucial. Also, it is important to be aware of potential emotional complications if the biological father is an ex-lover or current partner.
Adoption is now easier for single individuals than in the past, as adoption agencies have recognized the success of single-parent adoptions. Single parents sometimes offer advantages over two-parent adoptions in specific circumstances.
A professional consultation, such as a family law attorney or counselor, is essential when considering these options to make informed decisions.

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