The chapter frames the hardest conflict as one partner wanting a child and the other not, warning how couples can slip from I–Thou respect into I–It manipulation. It outlines four outcomes—postpone, ambivalent partner yields, arm‑twisting, and devious tactics—favoring planned postponement and genuine ambivalence while rejecting pressure. Frances’s silencing of Mark illustrates why each partner must decide for themselves, separating feeling expression from decision-making.

“Games Couples Play” exposes coercive patterns and antidotes: arm‑twisting and martyrdom, avoidance of discussion, shaming “shrink” tactics, contraceptive “sneak” sabotage, and the “courting divorce” ploy of using a baby to rescue a failing marriage. Countermoves center on direct requests, scheduled talks, “I” messages, and honesty about motives and risks.

The author prioritizes process over product, offering a Decision‑Makers’ Bill of Responsibilities and “first aid” questions to uncover ambivalence, condition-based disagreements (timing, finances, division of labor, adoption), and hidden bargaining. Partners are urged to ask, “How could I make my choice easier for you?” to surface workable terms.

In a negotiation example, Bettina (who wants a baby) and Hal (career‑focused and wary of workload) move from avoidance to concrete possibilities: defined caregiving time, delayed timing, and paid help—shifting from stalemate to cautious optimism. If talks stall, the chapter recommends counseling, constructive postponement with a set review date, and weighing intensity; when one is adamant for a child and the other adamant against, choose childfree to avoid likely divorce.

The chapter rejects “single” married parenting through Jay and Audrey’s scenario, showing inevitable spillover, resentment, and harm to the child. It advises gratitude and ongoing space for regret when one partner consents against preference, and cautions on marrying with opposing goals. Before divorce, it urges individual then couples therapy, realistic planning, and notes adoption/fertility timelines and readiness requirements.

Second marriages add ABP (already been a parent) vs NBP tensions—sacrifice, finances, and fairness—illustrated by Simon and Judy. An exercise helps ABPs separate an ex‑partner from the current spouse. Substitute parenting and stepfamily bonds may help. In a closing case, Aileen and Roger revisit their childfree choice; therapy, grief for “lost” children, and reduced perfectionism bring closeness without changing the decision, underscoring conflict as a path to growth.