The Baby Decision
by Merle Bombardieri
Contents
Chapter 1: A Bird’s-Eye View
Overview
The chapter offers a roadmap for approaching the baby decision: make it jointly, manage panic, and act deliberately when true emergencies arise. It reframes the stakes—no single choice guarantees or ruins happiness—and contrasts destructive versus constructive mindsets. The chapter closes with a worst-case visualization exercise to reduce anxiety and clarify values.
Summary
The author zooms out to calm early worries and outline how to proceed. The chapter promises basic guidelines: who decides, how to defuse panic, what to do in emergencies, and why even a "wrong" decision likely won’t ruin life. The goal is to build perspective before deeper exercises.
On ownership, the author argues the decision should be shared across all couple types. Assuming greater female authority reinforces outdated gender roles and undermines later co-parenting; shared investment in deciding supports shared parenting. Single parents by choice are urged to involve trusted "village" members as sounding boards and potential supports.
To reduce panic, the author lists common pressures to decide quickly and reframes them as feelings rather than facts. Guidance includes stepping off the urgency treadmill, accepting anxiety as a sign of importance, converting anxiety into excitement, permitting uncertainty, using humor, trusting one’s ability to choose well, and not comparing timelines with others.
For true emergencies—unplanned pregnancy or worsening medical conditions affecting fertility or safety—the author advises staying calm, taking days (not minutes) to decide, resting, and using the book’s exercises. Medical steps include seeking clear explanations, consulting vetted sources, obtaining second opinions, and considering counseling if initial support is biased.
If decision-making drags, assess whether time is constructive or a treadmill. The author argues outcomes depend as much on mindset as choice, contrasting Don and Cindy’s fear-driven paralysis with Ruth and Phil’s growth-oriented curiosity. Because both options hold appeal, some regret is normal; thoughtful, conscious choice builds self-knowledge, responsibility, enjoyment, and future decision skills.
To "anxiety-proof" the process, readers visualize worst-case outcomes for both choosing childfree and choosing parenthood. Susan and Mark’s examples reveal fears of lonely aging, career loss, and relationship strain; by naming these, they plan supports (shared caregiving, relationship strategies), which lowers anxiety and frees them to explore both paths more openly.
Who Appears
- Merle BombardieriAuthor-narrator; outlines shared decision-making, panic management, emergency steps, and anxiety-reduction exercises.
- MarthaFeminist client wary of partner’s participation, illustrating pitfalls of unilateral decision-making.
- WalterMartha’s partner; his inclusion is debated, highlighting the need for shared ownership.
- Dr. Glenn LarsonPsychologist cited to reframe anxiety as a signal that something important is happening.
- Don and CindyCouple exemplifying fear-driven, ruminative decision-making that undermines satisfaction in any outcome.
- Ruth and PhilCouple modeling a growth-oriented, flexible approach that finds value in either choice.
- Susan and MarkCouple who use worst-case visualization to surface fears and plan supportive solutions.