Chapter 15: Grape Juice on Mommy’s Briefcase, or How to Combine Motherhood and Career Without Losing Your Mind or Your Job

Summary

• The author has struggled to write a chapter on balancing motherhood and career due to the societal limitations and lack of support that parents, especially mothers, face.
• She reflects on how she believed society would have progressed much further by the time her daughters had children, with better social support systems, childcare, paid leave, and flex-time, yet many of these issues still remain.
• There have been some positive changes, such as greater acceptance of childfree people, single parents, LGBTQ+ parents and more involved fathers, but the ideal society of fully supported parents is not yet realized.
• Critics who accuse women of weak commitment when they leave careers for motherhood are challenged by the author, who quotes from various publications arguing that the problem is the inflexible workplace, not the women.
• Anne-Marie Slaughter's recommendations for an “Infrastructure of Care” is discussed, including proposals for affordable child care, better wages for child-care workforce, paid leave for both parents, and protections for pregnant workers.
• The chapter underscores that family-friendly workplace policies not only benefit employees but also companies by boosting their financial performance and reputation.
• The author discusses several methods for integrating career and motherhood such as sharing responsibilities with a partner, letting go of perfectionistic expectations, giving up some leisure time, reducing housekeeping standards, and exploring flexible work options.
• She also recognizes the struggles with re-entry to work after an extended break and suggests strategies like part-time work, networking, and volunteering to keep a professional connection.
• The author advocates for shared parenting and detailed guidelines for achieving a balance.
• She highlights the growing role of fathers in childcare, urging couples to explore ways of sharing both joy and responsibility of parenthood.
• Day care is considered as an option that, depending on personal feelings and circumstances, can be either positive or potentially guilt-inducing.
• Finally, the chapter discusses various options of childcare, including nanny shares, au pairs and family cooperatives, while also mentioning the financial aspects of these options.

• Working mothers often experience feelings of jealousy for potential day care providers, fearing replacement in their child's affections. However, research assures that children understand and acknowledge their parents' unique role in their lives.
• Anger can arise from the heavy burden of child care arrangements, especially if the mother feels alone in this responsibility. Support from partners, friends and mothers' groups can relieve and offer perspective on this struggle.
• There are three main sources of childcare: home-based day care providers, day care centers, and babysitters or nannies who provide in-home care. Each of these options has advantages and disadvantages in terms of caregiver skills, environment, individual attention, intellectual stimulation and convenience.
• When evaluating child care choices, it is advised to trust feelings and reactions towards caregivers, observe the children already at the day care, the environment and the interaction between the child and the caregiver, amongst other things.
• Payment details must be discussed in advance and references should be asked for and followed up on.
• Child care arrangements can potentially be started on a trial basis, to explore the suitability and comfort level for both the child and parent.
• Parents should be creative in exploring options and networking for child care, bearing in mind their unique needs and schedules. Placement that works well for one family may not be suitable for another.
• If an ideal day care facility has a waiting list, it is recommended to place the child's name on it regardless. Chances are other children on the list have secured other placements, potentially shortening the waiting time.
• It's important to remember that the child's needs evolve with age. While infants require more nurturance, older children need increased intellectual stimulation and interaction, which may necessitate a switch from a home day care to a day care centre.
• Parents are advised to start exploring childcare options as early as during pregnancy to avoid pressure later on. Various sources are recommended for daycare referrals, including child care resource centers, referral centers, other parents, religious institutions and nanny agencies.
• While arranging for day care can be emotionally and logistically difficult, it also presents an opportunity to develop invaluable skills that can help increase overall self-confidence and prove useful at work.