APPENDIX 4: My Own Baby Decision

Summary

• The author first considers remaining childfree at the age of nineteen while working as a camp counselor, realizing she enjoys solitude and quiet more than being around children.
• When the author meets her future husband, Rocco, they need to resolve the issue of having children before they can plan to get married because he wants to become a father but she's still considering a childfree life.
• They agree not to tie the knot until they can reach a mutually agreeable decision about parenthood, and they don't want either party to feel as though they're sacrificing their desires for the other's happiness.
• The author, who is unsure about the prospect of parenthood, spends a year engaged in self-reflection and research, drawing encouragement from emerging feminist ideologies and working in a daycare center to understand the realities of motherhood.
• She notes that this experience and conversations with Rocco about childcare make her look forward to becoming a mother.
• The couple waits five years after their marriage to have their first child, enjoying their freedom, completing their education, and solidifying their relationship.
• Fast forward to the present, the author and Rocco are in their sixties, have two grown children and a grandson, and are happy with their decision to have kids.
• Despite difficulties along the way, the author is pleased that she was able to balance both her career and motherhood effectively, largely due to her husband's commitment to an equal parenting role.
• The author feels grateful for the time she took to question motherhood before deciding to have children and views her initially childfree perspective as an asset that helped her build a fulfilling life as a mother.
• She concludes that while she could have lived a happy life without kids, the experiences she's had as a mother have been rewarding and valuable.