Chapter 12: Help!

Summary

• The chapter broadly addresses how to handle decision-making paralysis when considering parenthood and offers strategies if you’re leaning towards having children or being childfree.
• The author advises going back to the exercises in Chapter 2 (“Secret Doors”) to address any unfinished issue and make the decision clearer.
• Potential parents are advised to “try on” the decision for a week or two to understand how they feel about becoming parents.
• Major considerations before deciding on parenthood include managing fear of change or responsibility and managing doubts if they intensify.
• The chapter emphasized thinking firstly about one child and not 'children', advising to focus on a single pregnancy decision first.
• If fear of change or responsibility is significant, several strategies are recommended such as role-playing scenarios, admitting that not all fears can be overcome beforehand, not prolonging the decision, using less reliable contraception, and accepting that pregnancy may not occur immediately.
• If serious doubts persist, it is recommended to reconsider remaining childfree, considering the less reversible decision parenthood is.
• Seeking Professional Help: If any problems persist such as stagnation in the decision-making process, significant partner disagreement, paralysis during the exercises, disturbing discoveries about self during the exercises or lack of conversation about the topic, professional counselling might be necessary especially if there are serious doubts about ability to be a good parent, particularly in cases of former child abuse.
• Several modes of seeking help are discussed including The Baby Decision Workshop, individual therapy and couples counseling, all aimed at providing dialogue, support, and insights for the decision-making process.
• The author provides key considerations when choosing an outside help like professional training, impression of neutrality, decision about parenthood and their feelings about it. Techniques are more important than specific degrees or number of years of experience.
• The author concludes by affirming that the challenge in making the baby decision does not signify a failure or weakness, but rather, being thorough.