Chapter Thirty-five

Summary

• The narrator, Maddie, regrets not taking the day off work as she finds herself emotionally fragile and on the brink of tears.
• Her colleagues notice her distress but she avoids confronting the situation in fear of being called into her boss Penny's office.
• Maddie leaves work early, and only upon leaving does she feel capable of breathing easily, which leads her to cry openly on the street.
• She meets up with Alex, and pretends to be a different version of herself—the one he knows—hiding the turmoil of her recent family tragedies.
• As Maddie and Alex talk and walk through the park, she's internally struggling with her conscience for lying to him about many personal details.
• Maddie contemplates telling Alex the truth but decides against it out of fear of losing him during a time she feels she needs support.
• Maddie compares how she is using Alex for emotional support to how her friend Ben used her, which disturbs her.
• They continue to Alex's flat to watch a film, and eventually, they start to become physically intimate, although Maddie feels detached and dissociated.
• Maddie goes through with sex even though it feels uncomfortable for her, unlike her painful experience with Ben, which was at least manageable.
• After sex, during a silent moment, Alex notices that Maddie is withholding something, prompting a discussion about her feelings towards sex.
• Maddie confesses to Alex that she doesn't enjoy sex as it is always painful for her.
• Alex admits that sex and physical connection are important to him, and despite Maddie's suggestion to try again, he cannot be with someone who experiences pain during sex.
• They mutually acknowledge their relationship cannot continue, with Maddie internally suggesting she deserved this outcome for her dishonesty.