Chapter 49

Summary

• Yara's daily routines, from getting the girls ready for school to cooking dinner, are becoming increasingly sluggish and laden with guilt.
• She avoids showering with her husband, Fadi, by timing her showers before he returns home from meetings with potential business partners.
• Yara feels like a failure and tries to hide this from her daughters by not meeting their eyes during bedtime.
• She questions her ability to leave her husband and start anew, burdened by guilt, shame, and self-doubt as she heads to her therapy session with Esther.
• Yara is unable to articulate her feelings and covers her face in her hands when asked by Esther if she is okay upon arriving at her office.
• Yara admits she feels unable to leave Fadi after he loses his job and blames herself for his misfortune.
• Esther tries to alleviate Yara's self-blame by assuring her that Fadi's job loss was not her fault and she's not responsible for the decisions of her husband or the abuse endured by her mother.
• The chapter reveals a traumatic childhood memory where Yara feels responsible for her father finding out about her mother's affair.
• Yara struggles with a deep-rooted belief that she is a bad person who causes suffering to others, including her husband, which makes her question the purpose of her own life.
• Esther notices Yara's disturbing emotional state and inquires if she has thoughts of self-harm.
• Yara internally acknowledges long-standing detachment from life and considers her daughters' well-being over her own suicidal thoughts.
• Esther recognizes the severity of Yara's feelings and suggests increasing therapy sessions, possibly considering medication and the importance of having a strong support system.
• The chapter reflects on Yara's early experiences with depression in her marriage, and Fadi's distant yet supportive reactions.
• Fadi's coping mechanisms for emotional detachment are speculated to be either learned from his father's criticism or a natural human tendency to self-protect.
• Esther asks Yara if there is anyone else besides her husband who could provide support, but Yara insists there is no one else, dismissing thoughts of someone named Silas.